Grieving
by breatheactsing123
Summary: Follows canon, picks up in the Santos Administration.
1. Chapter 1

Josh Lyman had, in the past decade or so, invested a lot of both time and money into therapy. Things were generally better because of it; his life, his relationships, his work. But all that money and time didn't mean that he wouldn't occasionally have anxious days. He knew that, and accepted it as much as he could. He tried to tell himself over and over that the presence of anxiety is not always the presence of a problem. For the most part, he was functional through those anxious days, and he suspected that most of his coworkers were none the wiser, but Donna somehow always knew. Right from the moment she rolled over in bed that morning, she could tell.

"What's wrong?" She asked tiredly, her voice still gravelly from sleep.

"Nothing," he lied, knowing it was easier than admitting that he didn't know.

"Don't lie to your wife." She whispered demurely, running a hand over his bicep. "You're tense. Did you sleep?"

"Yeah," he tells her. It was in twenty minute increments, sure, but still technically not a lie.

"Do you need to go stand against the wall?" She asks him gently.

"Nah," he shakes his head. "Hey, what if we just stayed in bed today?" Josh suggests.

"Josh Lyman, are you suggesting we play hookey?" Donna chuckles a little.

"Maybe I am." He smiles back.

"Well, we're both chiefs of staff, you to the most powerful man in the world, so I imagine that less than one hour into the day our absence would be highly noted, we'd be rushed into work, and all of our coworkers would assume that we were running late because we just got so swept up in our sexual escapades."

"Well, nobody ever dared to suggest that the people we work with are stupid." Josh smirked as he rolls over to kiss Donna's neck.

"Later, Josh." She promised as she rolled away from him. "I've got to shower before we go in," She smiled before kissing him back quickly and hopping out of bed.

Their morning passed as uneventfully as any other morning, lots of rushing around the coffee pot and misplacing briefing memos, and accidentally swapping briefcases. Josh grabbed ahold of Donna's hand in the back of the secret service town car, and was reluctant to let go when it was time for Donna to head to her office.

"Josh, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He smiled unconvincingly, before dropping a kiss on her temple and pacing off into his office.

Josh was in his office a few hours later when he felt his blackberry buzzing from it's holster on his hip. Weird, who would be calling him on his cell at this hour? He pulled the phone off his hip and looked at the caller ID. Evelyn Moss. Josh's stomach immediately filled with dread. He chastised himself for assuming the worst and took a deep breath before picking up.

"Josh Lyman," He said into the phone out of habit.

"Joshua," Evelyn, Donna's mother, wept into the phone.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked, his voice filled with concern as he used his free hand to grip the edge of his desk.

"David's gone. He, he had a heart attack in his sleep last night. I woke up and he was gone." Evelyn sputtered out.

"Evelyn, I'm so sorry. We'll be there as soon as we can." Josh said immediately, already crushed for Donna. He knew the pain of losing a father and hated that she was about to go through it.

"I'm sorry to put this on you, Josh. I just… I don't want Donnatella to hear me like this."

"I understand, Evelyn. Is Andrew there with you?" Josh asked, hoping Donna's older brother could keep Evelyn company until he and Donna could get there.

"He's on his way. We'll see you soon, Josh."

"I'll call you when I have flight information," He tells her before hanging up the phone.

He runs a hand through his hair, remembering clear as day the moment Donna had told him that his father had passed. He knew now that being in her shoes was almost just as bad. He wanted in equal measures to go to her and comfort her, and to protect her from this news for as long as possible. But before any of that, he needed to talk to President Santos. He knocked on his adjoining office door, praying that the President had a free moment. His prayers were answered when he heard Matt invite him in.

"Mr. President," Josh said as he entered.

"Josh, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Donna's mom just called me." Josh explained, supplying more information when the President gave him an inquisitive glance. "Her father passed away last night. She-"

"Josh, go. And don't come back until you're ready. That's an order from the leader of the free world."

"Thank you, Mr. President." Josh says, turning to leave.

"Josh?"

"Yes?" Josh turns around.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks," Josh says before he turns and heads towards Donna's office.

"Margaret, I need two plane tickets to Madison. And clear my schedule for the foreseeable future."

Josh is pretty sure he hears Margaret yell something after him, but he's already taken off at a brisk pace towards Donna's office. He gets there to see her door shut, and looks over at her assistant, Danielle.

"Is she-"

"She's not with anyone, you can go right in," Danielle cuts him off.

Josh swings the door open to see Donna sitting at her desk crying. Heartbroken, he closes the door behind him and turns back to her.

"Donna," He starts.

"Andrew called me." She chokes out as she crosses the room and throws her arms around her husband's neck. He wraps his arms around her waist and draws her closer. "We should have stayed in bed,' She whispers into his shoulder.

"I know, Donna. I'm so, so, sorry. We're on the next plane to Madison, okay?"

"Okay," Donna sniffled out, moving her face out of Josh's chest to dab at her eyes.

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I know it doesn't help anything, but I love you."

"It helps, Josh. I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

Once Donna had calmed down a little, one of Josh's secret service agents pulled a car up to the gate and Josh and Donna headed home. DC traffic was always awful, but it seemed particularly bad that afternoon. Josh had an arm wrapped around Donna's waist and she let her head rest on his shoulder, not quite sure why she wasn't crying when the weight of her grief sat so heavy on her chest.

When they got back home, she let him guide her up the stairs and through the doorway of their apartment, where she sat on the bed and watched Josh rush around, filling both his suitcase and hers. She knew she should help him but he couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. So she watched him pass, closet to suitcase to closet to bathroom. He packed her good conditioner. She loved that man. After half an hour or so, he pulled a few things out of their drawers and walked over to the bed, kneeling despite his bad knees to make eye contact with her.

"Donna, I think you should change into something a little more comfortable than your work clothes for the flight, yeah?" he says, moving to deposit the fresh clothes on the bed and take her heels off of her feet.

Donna turned, starting to unbutton her work blouse and unfolded the t-shirt Josh had selected for her. It was an old favorite, a Yale t-shirt she had borrowed from Josh once when she'd spent the night taking care of him after Rosslyn. It felt softer in her hands than she'd remembered.

"He wanted me to go to Yale," she whispered, barely audible.

"What?" Josh asked.

"I got into Yale for undergrad. He wanted me to go, but I stayed. I stayed in Wisconsin, I went to U-Madison with Dr. Freeride."

"You never told me that," Josh whispered in response.

"Why would I?' Donna chuckled bitterly.

"Donna, you've spent the last 10 years working in the White House. That's not nothing."

"No, it's not." Donna agreed, slipping her unbuttoned blouse off her shoulders and pulling on the t-shirt. "I can't wear those pants," she says, leaving the sweatpants on the bed and pulling a pair of jeggings out of her dresser.

"Why not?" Josh asked, looking them over for some sort of stain or tear.

"The married chiefs of staff left the White House in the middle of the day and booked plane tickets to Wisconsin. There's going to be photographers at the airport. We're lucky they aren't camped outside. If they aren't here, they'll definitely be waiting for us in Madison. I'm the First Lady's Chief of Staff, I don't wear sweatpants." She said decisively, standing up and grabbing her suitcase. "We should get going." She decided, heading out of their bedroom, Josh following close behind.

Donna was antsy as they stood in the airport security line. They had pre-check, but so did everybody else who lived in DC. She bounced from foot to foot and rushed through the metal detector, Josh close behind, her anxiety radiating through him.

"Donna, do you want to take something?" Josh asked gently as they settled into seats at their gate.

"My dad died 2 hours ago, Josh. I don't think my grief needs to be medicated just yet." Donna snapped.

"No, Donna, of course not," Josh backtracked immediately, taking her hand in his. "I just think this is a long flight, and the first long day in a series of upcoming long days, and that it would be good for you to get a little rest while you can."

"Oh, Josh. I'm sorry. You're too good to me." She apologized, putting her hand on his thigh and tilting her head back in resignation.

"Nah, I never deserved you to begin with," he tells her as he pulls a water bottle and an anxiety pill out of his backpack and hands them to her.

She kisses his cheek before taking them gratefully, handing the water bottle back as they walked through the boarding gate and onto the plane. She settled into the window seat as Josh took care of their bags, stowing them in the overhead bin. As Josh sat next to her, he opened up her carry-on and pulled out an old blanket she'd travelled with on both Bartlett campaigns, as well as the end of the Santos campaign. She smiled, thanking him as he draped the blanket over her frame.

"You really are the best husband." She tells him.

"I'm glad that you think so.'

"I know so. I know today has been crazy. Thank you."

"You did it for me." He reminds her. "I love you, Donna. Get some rest."


	3. Chapter 3

Donna, predictably, had slept through the whole flight, only stirring when the plane landed. For one fleeting moment, just before she opened her eyes, she forgot why she was upright on a plane and not in bed with her husband. She felt Josh's lips resting gently on her temple before she heard him speak.

"Time to get up, sweetheart," he whispered. "Secret service has a car waiting for us." She shut her eyes tighter, wondering if she could will this all away. She couldn't. She opened her eyes to see Josh getting their luggage out of the overhead. She caught his eye."Hey," He whispered to her. "You ready to go?"

She swallowed and took a deep breath before nodding. "Yeah, let's go," She said, stuffing the blanket she had used during the flight back into her carry-on and scooting her way into the aisle. Josh tried to take her bags as they exited the plane, but she smiled at him.

"Don't be ridiculous, Josh. I'm fine." She tried to convince both of them. "Plus, you struggling with all four bags while I walk around the airport like we own the place would just make it too easy for the paparazzi." She teased him gently as they followed Josh's secret service agent to the car.

There were a few photographers, more than they would have anticipated for a routine flight, so Josh knew the cat had to have come out of the bag someplace. He hoped it wasn't the White House. Luckily, the photographers kept a respectful distance, although the sight of them still boiled Josh's blood. Donna had just lost her father. Did these people have no sense of empathy at all? He let Donna into the town car first, attempting to block her body from the photographers with his own, not that it really mattered. Once they were safely ensconced between the tinted windows of the secret service car, Donna pulled out her cellphone.

"I should call Andrew, let him know we're on our way," she explained, dialing her brother's number from memory. "Hey, it's me." She says into the phone after a moment. "We just wanted to let you know we got here okay, we're on our way to the house now." She explains further. "Oh, well thanks, Andrew, but Josh's secret Service detail is actually driving us. Protocol." There's a brief pause, and Josh notices a minute change in his wife's face. He reaches for her hand. She grabs it. "What is it?" Donna asks her brother. "Okay." Donna says resolutely after a moment, "Really, Andrew. It's okay. I'll see you soon, okay? Secret service should be there any second to sweep the house. Love you." Donna hangs up the phone and puts it back in her purse, careful not to look at her husband.

"Donna—" Josh starts, but she cuts him off.

"Mark was at the hospital when my mom brought my dad in."

"Mark?"

"Doctor Freeride." Donna explains. "He saw my mom and he let her know he'd be at the funeral and would be around if we needed anything. So you'll meet him. And you should really call him Mark." She explains further.

"Donna, there's something I have to ask you." Josh says. "Something I should have asked you a long time ago, but you were my assistant and I didn't know if it was appropriate—"

"Spit it out, Josh." She says, gently.

"Did he ever… was he ever…" Josh stumbles over his words, attempting to be cautious but really just creating a greater mess.

"Twice, Josh. He hit me twice."

It is the answer to the question Josh had been trying to articulate, the answer he even had suspected, to a degree, but it broke his heart more than he ever could have anticipated.

"Oh, Donnatella," Josh said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly to his chest. "When?"

"The first time was during his residency. I thought that since he was making money again, it would make sense for me to go back to school. We argued about it, he gave me a black eye, and I drove my car to New Hampshire two days later."

"But that means that the second time—"

"Yeah," Donna admitted bitterly. "He apologized, swore it would never happen again, and begged me to come home, so I did. He found my University of Madison application and really let me have it, so I got into the car and drove away, which is how I got into the accident and hurt my ankle. So I didn't really lie to you about that part. And I know this is huge and I should have told you earlier and I suck as a wife, but please be mad at me later because my dad died today and I need you right now." Donna said, her calm, rational explanation turning into waterworks towards the end.

"Shh, Donna, shh. I'm not mad at you, and you are the best wife, okay? The absolute best."

"I'm your only wife. You have no frame of reference," She sniffled, and he couldn't help but chuckle at her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." She apologizes quietly.

"I'm sorry I never asked. I'm sorry I let you go back to him." He said, swallowing heavily.

"Josh, you couldn't have stopped me. I was 23 and thought I was in love."

"Still, I should have seen it. I should have followed you back to Wisconsin and kicked his ass." He lamented.

"Promise me you'll behave when we see him, okay? It was a very long time ago. He could be a very different man now. Residencies are stressful. Don't say anything. My mother doesn't know what happened."

"Your mother doesn't— Donna, what? That's crazy."

"Dad knew. But we had an agreement. Mom didn't need to know. She'd end up flying off the handle or going into hysterics. So dad knew. And I guess Dad told Andrew at some point, because he just gave me the heads up. Just don't leave me alone with him, okay?"

"There was a zero percent chance of that happening from the outset," Josh reassured her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.


	4. Chapter 4

When Josh opened the door to Donna's childhood home, they both could hear Evelyn's crying from the foyer. Josh put a hand on Donna's back instantly to comfort her, but she moved away, following the sound of her mother's cries into the kitchen.

"Mom," she called out as she walked. "Mom, I'm here." She said. Evelyn took a deep breath once she realized Donna and Josh had arrived, dabbing at her eyes.

"Donnatella, sweetheart, come here." Evelyn said, extending her arms and wrapping her daughter in a hug. Josh took the opportunity to greet his brother in law. He extended his hand.

"Sorry for your loss, Andrew." He said, and Andrew shook his hand back and nodded in response.

"Let me help you take those bags up to Donna's old room." Andrew said, grabbing the bags that Donna had discarded when she went to greet her mother and leading Josh up the stairs.

Josh and Andrew hadn't had the easiest history; Andrew was wary of Josh, knew that he was older and more powerful than Donna and worried that he was leading her into another Dr. Freeride situation. He wasn't fully convinced until he heard Josh's wedding vows to Donna. No man who wasn't completely head-over-heels could ever come up with anything as corny as that. They weren't particularly close, but they had a good relationship and a common goal of being fiercely protective of Donna. Today was hard on both of them.

"How is she doing?" Andrew asked as he put the bags down.

"As well as a person can be, considering." Josh answered.

"Did she tell you that Mark is coming?" Andrew asked.

"She told me everything," Josh said, making eye contact with Andrew.

"You know, I'm not a guy who typically uses my fists to solve problems, but I feel like he's had it coming for quite some time now." Andrew admits, looking down at the bags.

"You won't see me stopping you." Josh tells him.

"Dad wouldn't like it, though. Always said that it wouldn't help me and it wouldn't help Donna, so what was the point." The other man confessed.

"He was a good man." Josh says. "Better than me, at least. I'd knock his lights out in an instant, national incident be damned."

"He was the best." Andrew agreed.

"Is your wife here? I hadn't seen her-" Josh changed the subject.

"She's going to pick the kids up from school and bring them here a bit later. Should really be any time now."

They went back downstairs to find Donna at the stove, flipping a grilled cheese.

"Really Donna, I'm not hungry." Evelyn protested even as Donna slid the sandwich onto a plate and across the counter towards her mother.

"I know, mom, but you've got to eat." Donna replies, in the same patient but demanding tone Josh has heard her use on more than half of the United States Senate, and a decent handful of House reps, too. Not a moment later, the crowd in the kitchen heard the front door swing open, followed by the rapid stomping of small feet.

"Grandma!" Donna's niece, Gabby, and her nephew, Jacob, exclaimed as they ran into the room.

"Oh, my grand babies are here!" Evelyn exclaimed, wiping at her eyes quickly before engulfing them in hugs. Jacob, the younger of the two, was quick to speak up.

"Grandma, why are your eyes so red? Is it because you miss Grandpa already?" He asked.

"Jacob," Andrew cautioned from across the room where he was greeting his wife, but Evelyn waved him off.

"It's alright, Andrew. And yes Jacob, I do miss your grandfather. I'll probably miss him for a long, long time. But you're here now, and your grandfather would want me to have fun with you, don't you think?"

"I think so," Gabby, older, quieter, and clearly more emotional than her brother, spoke up.

"Grandma, can I have half your grilled cheese?" Jacob asked.

"Of course, dear," Evelyn tells him, and Josh silently thanks God that his wife can't shoot laser beams out of her eyes.

"You know, you could probably stand to eat something, yourself." Josh says quietly to Donna.

"I'm not hungry." She deflects. "My stomach feels off, between the travel and the anxiety pill for the plane. I think we should say hi to Allison and then I might lay down." Donna smiled reassuringly, but Josh knew her well enough to know she was faking it.

"Hey, Allison," Donna says, enveloping her sister-in-law in a hug before allowing Josh to greet her. Allison was sweet, a Democrat like Andrew, and had always liked and respected Donna's role in the Bartlett administration. She had also been the first one to tell Andrew to cool it a little on Josh. They made polite chit-chat for a few minutes before Donna excused herself to go lie down and Josh followed.

"Josh, what are you doing? It's 7pm, you can't go to bed right now." Donna asked as he shut the door to her bedroom behind them and she reached into her t-shirt to pull off her bra.

"I know, I just… You know I'm not like Gabby and Jake, right?"

"Uh, you're a 48 year old political operative and Gabby and Jake have a combined age of 15, so—"

"I just mean that you don't have to hide from me. Like your mom hid from them. I can take it. I'm your husband, and most of the time our life together is incredible, but right now it sucks and things are heavy and it's my job to help you, okay? I just wanted to make sure you knew that the best job I've ever had is being your husband, and I wouldn't trade the best day in any other job for the worst day in this one."

"Joshua Lyman, you are an incredible man, and I'm very lucky I married you," she said from her place seated on the bed, extending a hand up to cup Josh's face, which he covered with his own hand and pulled towards his lips so he could kiss her palm briefly.

"Nah, I'm just lucky I'm still fooling you," he smirked, and Donna couldn't help but smile back.

"Go call the president and check in. I know you must be itching to do it. I love you, and I love how much you want to take care of me, but right now I just need some sleep, okay?"

"Okay," Josh sighs, kissing Donna goodnight before leaving her in peace so he can call the president.


	5. Chapter 5

Donna's sleep had been fitful at best, but long. When she finally gave in the next morning and rolled over, it was half past eleven in the morning. Josh was long gone, although she suspected he was still in the house, not knowing his way around the area all that well. She trekked downstairs slowly, still in her pajamas and attempting to wipe away the remnants of sleep from her eyes. She found her brother and her mom sitting at the kitchen table with a man in a suit she did not recognize. Andrew saw her first.

"Morning, Tella." He said, using a nickname he hadn't brought up since they were kids. Evelyn looked over to see Donna and smiled as brightly as she could through the wetness in her eyes.

"Good morning sweetheart. This is Mr. Newmann, your father's attorney." Evelyn explained.

"You can call me Alan," He explained, standing up to shake Donna's hand. She shook it back, although she felt ridiculous doing so in her pajamas.

"Donna," She introduced herself in turn. "Sorry to interrupt, but where's Josh? And do you need my help with any of this?"

"Josh is at the park with the kids." Evelyn explained.

If Donna had been drinking something, she would have spat it out. "What?" She asked.

"Allison went back home to pack some clothes and some toys for them. She left in such a rush yesterday and neither of us even thought of it. Rather than taking them on the 90-minute round trip, Josh offered to watch them and took them to the park when Alan got here so they wouldn't be in the way." Andrew explained.

"Oh." Donna responded. "Well, uh, do you need me, or?"

"Not at the moment," Alan said. "When Allison gets back it would be good to talk with you and Josh as I'm talking with Andrew now, but there's no hurry."

"Okay, well, uh, in that case I'm just gonna get changed and walk down to the park. I'm afraid Josh is in a little bit over his head."

"Don't you want something to eat first, Donna?" Evelyn asked.

"No, I'm alright, I just woke up," Donna explained, before darting back up the stairs and quickly changing.

Josh, surprisingly, wasn't in over his head at all. When Donna arrived at the park, she found him pushing Jake on a swing while Gabby played hopscotch nearby.

"Auntie Tella!" Gabby exclaimed when she saw her.

"Hi sweet girl," Donna said, giving her niece a hug. "Have you been taking good care of Uncle Josh? Keeping him out of trouble?" She asked with a surreptitious glance to her husband, who only grinned back at her.

"He's been good," Gabby confirms and Donna can't help but giggle a little. She walks over to Josh.

"Did my mother put you up to this?" She asked.

"No, of course not." Josh said. "I just wanted to be helpful. Figured I'd give your mom and your brother some space. Did you talk to them this morning?"

"Just to figure out where you were."

"The wake will be tomorrow morning, then the funeral in the afternoon.

Donna nodded. "Did you talk to the President this morning?"

Josh shook his head. "Sam is staffing the president. Both of them know to call if they need me."

"Josh, you must be going crazy. Call the President."

Josh shook his head again. "I have complete faith in both of them. There's nothing I can do from Wisconsin that they can't do from DC, and if there is, they'll call me and ask for my help. I am off the clock, Donnatella."

"If you say so," Donna replied.

"Auntie Tella?' Jake asked, tugging on Donna's sleeve.

"Yes, dear?" Donna asked.

"I have to go potty," He told his aunt.

"I guess it's time to go home then," Donna concluded. "Come on, Gabby. Maybe we can come back this afternoon."

The kids rushed over to their bikes, strapping on their helmets and taking off towards home, careful to make sure they were still within Josh and Donna's sight.

"Did you get any good sleep last night?" Josh asked, wrapping his arm around her as they walked.

"I think it kinda came and went in waves." Donna said.

"You were tossing and turning a lot," Josh added.

"Sorry." She apologized.

"No, that's not it." Josh assured her. "I just-"

"I know." Donna reassured him. "You worry."

"Yeah." Josh admitted.

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't" Donna remarked, giving him a small smile. "The lawyer's at the house. He wants to talk to us."

"Okay," Josh said.

"Josh, this sucks."

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, pulling her in a little closer.

"I'm sorry I wasn't with you when you had to do this."

"You couldn't have been. We had just barely met then. It was so long ago." Josh reminded her.

"I know."

"I wish you could've been there, too."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Donna and Josh had met with the lawyer, and Andrew and Allison were back at the park with the kids. Donna was on the couch talking to the first lady. Or, at least, trying to.

"Yes, Annabeth, I'm sure that everything is under control, but if you could just-" She stopped abruptly, and Josh couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Well, I think we all know that there's no such thing as "off the clock" in our line of work."

"That's ridiculous. Annabeth, I can talk to the first lady. I would like to talk to the first lady. Annabeth, don't-" Donna hung up with a sigh.

"No dice, huh?" Josh remarked.

"It's not that I don't trust Annabeth."

"Of course it isn't." Josh concurred. "Hey, I made you a grilled cheese and I heated up some of that soup your mom makes."

"Oh, thank you baby, but I'm not all that hungry."

"See, I thought you might say that, because you said that last night."

"Josh," Donna warned.

"And you also said it at lunch yesterday, and-"

"Do you really want to do this right now?"

"Yep. I took an oath to take care of you and I'm going to do it. You haven't eaten in days. Please, Donna. For my peace of mind if nothing else."

Donna considered it for a moment. "Sit with me?" She asked, pulling down the blanket she'd pulled over herself on the couch.

"Of course," Josh said, letting out a small sigh of relief as he sat down next to her.


	6. Chapter 6

Watching Donna be strong at the funeral was one of the hardest things Josh had ever done. There were photographers there, and Josh wanted to chase off every last one of them, but he knew better than to make a scene. Donna was so poised, so composed. After the funeral there had been a luncheon. Josh had tried to tell Donna that they could just go home, but there was no way she was leaving her mother.

"You'll like the potato salad," Donna told Josh, looking over at his plate.

"Sure, but what are you going to eat?" Josh asked, eyeing the glass of wine in her hand. It's not that he worried that Donna was going to binge drink, but he was worried about a glass or two of wine on an empty stomach.

"I'll go grab a sandwich," Donna relented. Josh leaned in to kiss her temple before she got up and walked back to the buffet table. Donna was right, the potato salad was pretty good.

After a couple minutes, Josh was a little surprised that Donna hadn't returned. She was probably caught up with well-wishers, Josh told himself, although he still found himself looking around for her. He realized that she was over by the buffet table, like she said she'd be, talking to a man he didn't recognize from the back. A closer look revealed that she was pulling at her necklace, something she only did when she was nervous.

Josh got up and started walking over to Donna when she caught a little bit of their conversation.

"Mark, I don't think I'm coming back to Wisconsin."

Josh interrupted before Dr. Freeride could get in edgewise. "Have we met? I'm Donna's husband." He introduced himself. "Josh Lyman."

"Mark Wilder," The other man introduced himself in turn. "I was just asking Donna when she was going to stop playing D.C. games and come home where she belongs."

"With all due respect, Donna belongs in D.C." Josh countered.

"Well, you would think that," Mark said.

"I think that because she's a respected political operative and she's good at what she does. She's one of the best. And frankly, I'm not sorry that I saw it and you couldn't."

"That's that, huh?" Mark asked Donna.

"That's that." Donna agreed. "It was good to see you." She said as Josh led them away.

"I'm sorry," Josh apologized as soon as they were out of earshot.

"For what?"

"I said I wouldn't leave you alone with him."

"And you didn't, Josh. You were fifteen feet away, we're in a function hall full of people, and there's secret service outside that I'm sure you've instructed to take a bullet for me, which is very much against protocol by the way."

Josh just shook his head. "You ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay," he said, helping Donna into her coat before slipping into his own.

"Josh?"

"Yeah."

"I've been very good today. I was strong for the cameras, and then for my mom. I'm not going to be able to be strong at home."

"That's okay, Donna. I can be the strong one."

"Thank you."

Donna was strong in the car, and in the front lawn as they walked into the house. She was strong in the kitchen as she walked past her father's chair at the dining room table. She was strong as Josh followed her up the stairs. She was strong right up until the moment the door shut behind the two of them, and they were alone in her childhood bedroom. The tears started to flow almost immediately as she sat on the edge of the bed and took off her shoes, followed by the black dress that hung on her shoulders like lead all morning. She pulled Josh's Yale sweatshirt over her shoulders and collapsed into the bed, sobbing heavily. Josh followed her without a moment's hesitation, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm going to stain your suit." Donna said, dabbing at her own eyes fruitlessly.

"I'll buy a new suit." He told her.

"Josh," She said. He still didn't move. "Josh, it's okay. Take off your shirt and jacket at least." He shucked off the clothes and tossed them onto the floor. When he turned back to her, Donna latched onto his biceps. She was still crying, but not sobbing, now. She eventually exhausted herself to sleep, and Josh set off to let her have the rest she deserved.

* * *

Later that night, while Josh was eating dinner, Donna came downstairs.

"Hey, sweetheart." Josh said. "Soup's on the stove."

"Okay," she said, getting a bowl and sitting down next to him. "How's my mom?"

"She's good. She's with a friend."

"That's good."

"How did you sleep?"

"I did pretty well, considering." She answered. "I booked you a flight home for tomorrow morning."

"You did what?" He asked, surprised.

"I booked your flights for years, Josh. I know that you need the aisle seat."

"That's not what I- Donna, are you ready to go home? I don't think there's any need to-"

"I'm not going home, Josh. I'm going to stay here and take care of my mom. And you're going to go run the country."

"I'm not leaving without you."

"Josh, don't be ridiculous."

"You want me to leave you here and I'm being ridiculous?" Josh asked incredulously.

"You need to be staffing the President." Donna looked at him.

"Sam is doing it. It's under control." He reminded her.

"The longer we're gone the worse it looks and you know that. They need you there, Josh."

"You need me here, Donna. I am your husband first, and the chief of staff to the President of the United States second. I don't care about the optics, I care about my wife."

"I know Joshua, you are very sweet." She smiled, laying a hand on the side of his face. "But the country needs you. I'll be fine. My brother is going to stay here for a little while, too. Allison is taking the kids home."

"Yeah, well Allison only lives fifteen miles down the road."

"Yeah, and she runs a preschool, not the country, and even she went home. You need to go back, and I need some space."

"Space?" Josh asked, and they both felt the air in the room shift. "You need space… from me?" He asked quietly.

"Josh, it's not- it's complicated." She stammered.

"Donna, what's going on?" Josh asked, not angry, but concerned.

"I don't know how to live in a world where my dad isn't. I need to process that, and I can't do it in DC."

"Is this about work? I'm sure the First Lady-"

"The second I'm back in DC I'm back at work, Josh, and you know that. I know the White House would give me time, but Congress and the press?"

Josh knew she was right. "Last time you needed space, I almost lost you."

"Josh," Donna said.

"And I can't stay?" Josh asked before pausing. "You can't… you can't process this stuff if I'm here."

"No, Josh."

"Donna…" He swallowed. "I don't feel good about this."

"I know. I'm sorry. Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Well, that will have to do."


	7. Chapter 7

Donna stirred the next morning when she felt Josh plant a kiss on her forehead. She opened her eyes slowly to see him standing, fully clothed and with his bags packed.

"Early," she murmured.

"You booked the flight," he teased.

"You'll make senior staff." She told him.

"Or I could stay here…" He trailed off.

"Josh," she warned him.

"I'm going to miss you." He told her. Her lips quirked up almost to a smile, but her eyes remained closed. "Sorry I woke you." He apologized.

"I'm glad you did." She told him.

"I love you. You'll call me?"

"Mhm," She assured him, although he didn't quite feel assured.

Josh left, and Donna listened to his footsteps descend down the staircase before rolling over and going back to sleep. She was already awake when he called to tell her he'd landed. The phone started to ring as she was brewing coffee for her mom and her brother.

"Donna Lyman," Donna answered as she picked up the phone.

"Man, I'll never get sick of hearing that." Josh smiled into the phone.

"I take it you made it to DC okay?" She smiled back.

"Yeah, except the thing is that you know where all the stuff is in the airport and I don't."

"There are signs, Joshua." She chuckled. "I swear you'd lose your head if it weren't attached."

"You seen your mom yet this morning?" Josh asked.

"She's in the shower now. I think we're going to try and go through Dad's stuff today, so…"

"Bring as much of it home as you want, okay? When my dad died, I thought my mom was being crazy with all the stuff she wanted me to take, but having all of it... it helps. Even if you need to buy another suitcase, okay? Bring it all home."

Donna took a deep breath before she responded. "I am so lucky to be married to you."

"It feels really good to hear you say that."

"I want you to remember that I feeling when I say what I'm about to say next, okay?" She requested.

"Donna…" he warned, not liking the sound of that.

"Please don't call me again."

"I'm sorry, what?" Josh couldn't help it. He wouldn't call it "yelling" but he wouldn't call it not-yelling, either.

"Josh, I wasn't joking when I said I needed space. And I know you. You're going to call in every five minute break you get in the day just to hear my voice. And usually I love that, I really do. But I can't do that right now, okay? I really need you to trust me."

"You're asking for an awful lot of my trust these days."

"I know I am. I love you."

Josh couldn't deny that those words gave him some peace. "I love you too."

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay." Josh said. The line clicked. The throngs of people passed Josh by in the airport as he stood motionless, wondering what was next

* * *

Not long after Donna got off the phone, Andrew came bounding down the stairs. She poured and handed him a mug of coffee wordlessly.

"Morning, sis." Andrew said.

"Morning," she said back.

"You been up long?" He asked.

"No. Did I wake you?" She asked in response.

"No, I didn't hear you until I started coming downstairs. You sent the husband away, huh?"

"I didn't send him away, he has a very important job and he has to go do it." She bristled.

"Donnatella, you're very important, too."

"He wanted to stay," she defended her husband. "You sent Allison away."

"She's half an hour away with the kids."

Donna was ready to shoot back when Evelyn walked into the kitchen. "Morning, mom." She smiled, trying to be positive for her.

"Morning sweetheart. Did I smell coffee?" She asked.

"Yep," Donna said, pouring her mother a mug.

"Thank you, dear." Evelyn said as she took a first sip. They sat in silence for a few moments before Andrew spoke up.

"I think we should start in the attic. I can go up there and start pulling stuff down."

"That sounds fine, dear," Evelyn said to her son.

"Mom, today's going to be hard for all of us. It's okay if you want to take breaks or-"

"I don't want to take breaks," Evelyn interrupted. "I don't want to break this up into chunks. There's no amount of reasonable time that will make this easier. I just want to get it done."

"Okay, Mom." Donna said, going to the staircase to take a box from Andrew. "Let's start with this."

* * *

It's past seven when Donna calls Josh again, 8pm his time. She's not surprised when his assistant, Rebecca, tells her that he's not available. She tells her not to tell him that she's called, even though the only thing she wants at the moment is to hear his voice. She lays in her bed, rolling over to cry softly into the pillow for who-knows how long before her door opens. She rolls over to see her brother.

"You haven't eaten all day." He said.

"Haven't had much of an appetite." She admitted, wiping at her eyes.

"Me neither. But when you got married last year, I made Josh promise to take good care of you, and he has. So I should probably return the favor while he's gone. I made tomato soup and grilled cheese."

Donna smiled through her still-watery eyes. "I don't think I've had this since the year you started running track," she said, fondly remembering her brother fixing the meal up for her when they got off of the bus in grade school.

"I think I've still got it," he smiled back, moving to sit at the edge of the bed and hand her one of the plates.

"Well, it comes from a can, so…" She teased.

"Ouch, Donna." He laughed, dunking his sandwich in the soup before taking a bite. "How's work?"

"You really want to talk about work?" Donna chuckled as she ate.

"Your work is important to you. I may not understand it, but I understand that much."

Donna smiled. "Work is great. It's different, but I like it. I do less policy work now than I did in Josh's office, but it's a lot more responsibility, which I was ready for. And I like the Santos family. They're friends, you know? I'll always love President Bartlet, but I feel like I can laugh and joke around with the Santos family."

"Man, my sister, little Donnatella Moss, joking around with the leader of the free world."

"Sometimes it still doesn't seem real." She confesses.

"You've earned it, though. I'm proud of you. Dad was proud of you."

Donna slumped her head onto her brother's shoulder. "It feels like it's never going to get easier."

"Yeah." Andrew agreed. "But it will."


	8. Chapter 8

The third day without Donna had been harder than the previous two. The first one wasn't that bad; Josh had seen her in the morning, and had even convinced himself she'd be home before the week was out. But the second day without her was the first day of complete radio silence. Not a word from his wife. He wanted to text Andrew, to check in and see how she was doing, but he knew better than to be that intrusive. He really did trust Donna, Even if trusting her was driving him insane. He thought the the anxiety of the second day was bad, but on the third day it wasn't just the anxiety of wondering what she was doing- it was wondering if she was ever coming back.

After sitting through a few meetings yesterday, he realized that while he was physically back in DC, he was mentally useless. He delegated all of his meetings to Sam and threw himself into paperwork, research, and staffing the President, but even that wasn't enough to distract him.

"Rebecca," Josh said, poking his head out of his office door. He'd learned years ago, now, not to yell.

"Yes?" Rebecca asked, turning away from her computer to face him.

"Do I have half an hour to go take a walk?"

"That should be fine. Do you need anything?" She asked, looking concerned for her boss.

"No, just some air. Thanks. I have my cell and my pager on me." He said, already headed out the door.

He was aware that his Secret Service detail remained nearby as he left the White House, but he was also grateful for the wide perimeter they were giving him. The sun felt warm on his face as he exited the White House and crossed the street, walking with no real purpose until he found a bench on a side street that was relatively out of the way. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed without thinking.

"Toby Ziegler." He picked up.

"Hey, man." Josh responded.

"Joshua Lyman." Toby said. "Shouldn't you be making college free or something?"

"Probably, but I'm a little bit useless these days." He confessed. "That's why I called you."

"You being useless is nothing new," Toby ribbed his friend good-naturedly. "How is Donna doing? I heard about her dad."

"I wish I knew," Josh scoffed. "She's still in Wisconsin. She said she needed space, but I gotta tell you, her definition of 'space' feels an awful lot like my definition of her leaving me," He started to go off the rails.

"Hey, hey. Slow down." Toby tried to bring his friend back from the edge. "If she was going to leave you, she would have done it years ago," he teased again.

"I don't know. I think she might be realizing she _should_ have left me years ago." Josh admitted.

"How long has it been?"

"Three days," Josh answered. "I left early Tuesday morning but when I called her from the airport she told me not to call again. I didn't hear from her at all Wednesday, or today. I'm starting to go a little crazy, here. I'm worried."

"Have you slept at all?"

"Barely. I couldn't stand to be alone at the house Tuesday night, so I stayed at the office last night, but I didn't really sleep much."

"Eating?"

"Rebecca's been bringing food by but I haven't been all that interested."

"Josh, you're going crazy because you're not taking care of yourself. Donna's not leaving you. She's grieving. She needs a little time. Not everything is about you, you know." Toby continued to poke fun at his friend. "It's not going to make it feel any better, but it'll take the edge off if you at least eat something."

"I just need to know that she's okay." Josh said.

"She's okay. She's at home, she's got her brother there, and even though you want to protect her from all of this, she can take care of herself. She's always been able to."

"You're right."

"I usually am. When you talk to Donna again- and you will, soon- send her my love, okay?"

"Of course."

"Do a good job, Josh." Toby said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

Donna walked into the grocery store a little dumbstruck. Ever since Santos had been elected, she and Josh had ordered their groceries and had them delivered to the house: there simply wasn't time to traipse through the aisles of a Winn Dixie and comparing orange juice brands. But her mother needed groceries, and so she was traipsing. Or, struggling was probably a more apt term.

The mom-and-pop grocery store down the street from Donna's parents' place had always had its own quirky organizational system. She knew this store like the back of her hand in another lifetime, about a million years ago. She was exiting the candy aisle, which she could have sworn was the soup aisle the last time she was here, when her cart collided with cross-traffic at the end of the aisle.

"Oh, I'm sorry," She said before looking up.

"Not a problem at all," replied an all-too-familiar voice.

"Mark," Donna smiled politely.

"Donna, it's good to see you out and about." He smiled back.

"Well, you know, we've got to eat, so…"

"Why don't you come over for dinner? I've been using this delivery service and the meals are to die for."

"Thank you, Mark, but my mom really isn't up to getting out of the house just yet."

"But you are."

"I think we both know that would be highly inappropriate-" Donna started, but Mark cut her off.

"You can drop the act. I know Mr. Big Government is out of the picture."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Donna shot back.

"The Secret Service has been gone for days. It's okay, Donnatella. We were all expecting it."

"Expecting what?" Donna asked, bristling at the use of her full name.

"For you to realize that you belong here. With your mom and with the rest of your family. Back to your roots in Madison. We're all just counting down the days until you're back with us for good."

"I've got to go, Mark. I'll talk to you later." Donna rushed through the rest of her errands, out of the grocery store, and back home. When she got back home, her mom and brother were on the couch watching a movie. Thankfully, neither of them spoke to her, and after unpacking the groceries she went up to her room and shut the door, crashing down into the bed. She absolutely refused to cry. She had done too much of that in the past few days. A few tears, though, seemed to be inevitable. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Josh's number, then deleted it from the dialer. She repeated the process two or three more times before shoving her cell phone into a drawer and going to sleep.

The next day, Andrew and Donna spent hours trying to get Evelyn out of bed, to no avail.

"The woman just lost her husband," Donna finally said. "I would want to lay in bed and cry, too."

They'd gotten her to eat a few bites of food and drink some water throughout the day, and that seemed to be the biggest win they were going to get. The day after that, Evelyn was able to get out of bed and eat with her children, but she was still resigned, and clearly in shock. Donna knew she had to act. After dinner that evening, Donna pulled some pamphlets out of her purse.

"Mom, I was looking, and the community center has some great classes for the 65 and older crowd." Donna attempted to broach the subject gently.

"Classes in what? How to live without the man you built a life with?"

"No, Mom." Andrew quickly interjected. "Things you like. Knitting, birdwatching, chess. That kind of stuff."

"Andrew and I have been talking," Donna continued. "And we think it might be good for you to get out of the house once or twice a week. Get some fresh air, see people. You don't have to start away. But give it a thought, okay?" Donna requested. Her mother nodded, and she smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see if I can get ahold of Josh," she said, grabbing her cell phone and heading up to her room to call the office- Donna knew her husband well enough to know that he'd be at the office if she wasn't home to stop him from going in.

The phone rang once, twice, three, four times before going to voicemail. She spiked it into the mattress before letting out a loud groan that quickly turned into a sob. She hadn't heard his voice in six days. It was the longest they'd been apart since she'd joined the Santos campaign, and even when one of them was away on trips, they almost always had time to call each other when the Santos's did. Andrew opened the door only moments after she'd started crying.

"Donna, what's wrong?"

"I feel so selfish!" She sobbed as her brother came to sit next to her on the bed.

"What?" Andrew asked, admittedly surprised by the response. No one who knew Donna would ever call her selfish.

"I can't hold myself together because I haven't seen my husband in six days, but dad is gone. And I can't even keep it together for one week for Mom."

"Donna, go home."

"You're not helping."

"I'm being serious. Do you think that Dad really would have wished to have spent less time with Mom, if he'd had the choice? Do you think Mom wishes she spent less time with Dad?"

Donna didn't respond at first. "Andrew, I can't leave you here. I can't leave Mom like this. It wouldn't be right."

"Allison's parents are here for the weekend. She's coming back up here for the time being. Go home to Josh. We can hold down the fort here." He promised his sister.

"You're a good big brother, even if you did stop making me tomato soup when I was in the seventh grade."

"It was from a can! You could have done it yourself, you know."


	9. Chapter 9

In a word, Josh was miserable. Work wasn't any more particularly draining than normal, but it was certainly worse with no one to come home to. Which led to spending nights at the office, which led to his back flaring up, and to put it lightly, no one wanted to be on Josh Lyman's bad side that week. The robotic ding of his cell phone almost caused him to chuck it right into the trash bin, but he managed to catch the name on the screen before he did- a text from Donna? He breathed out a sigh of relief. He'd been worried sick for his wife. It was a picture of a boarding pass.

" _Any chance you can pick me up at the airport in a couple of hours?"_ The text read. For the first time in a week, he smiled.

"Rebecca, clear my schedule for the rest of the night!" He called out to his assistant.

"Thank God!" She called back, knowing this must mean that Donna was coming home. Josh chuckled. "Want me to push tomorrow's morning stuff, too?" Rebecca asked.

"You're an angel," He told her gratefully. "Can I, uh-" He started, moving from foot to foot anxiously, but Rebecca cut him off, laughing.

"Yes, you're good to go. I'll be out too, as soon as I move these appointments."

"Have a good night." He told her as he went back into his office, gathering the stuff he needed to bring home and putting on his jacket. Josh knocked on the door of the Oval and opened the door when he heard President Santos invite him in. "Good evening, Mr. President." He said.

"Good evening, Josh. Is everything alright?" The President asked from behind his desk.

"Yes, sir." Josh was quick to assure him. "I was just checking in to see if there was anything you needed from me before I headed out for the night. Donna's flying back this evening."

Even the President breathed out a sigh of relief. "Well, what are you still doing here, then?" President Santos asked. "Tell Donna not to come back to work until she's ready, but to give my wife a call and let her know she's okay."

"Absolutely. Have a good night, Mr. President," Josh smiled, heading back to his office to grab his briefcase and backpack. Rebecca was already gone when he left. He made his way quickly to his town car where his secret service detail was waiting, wanting to clean the house up and get a few things ready before he picked Donna up at the airport.

Two hours later on the dot, Josh was at baggage claim waiting for Donna, fidgeting anxiously as he peered over the crowds of people. When he finally saw her, he willed himself not to run, but he took a few hasty steps in her direction. She threw her arms around his neck as soon as she was close enough, and he responded by wrapping his arm around her waist and placing his other hand on the back of her head. He's vaguely aware of a photographer taking his picture, but he doesn't care.

"God, I missed you," He whispered in her ear.

"I missed you too." She told him as they separated. "Don't ever let me do that again." She half-joked.

"I'm glad you came home. I was nervous."

"Nervous?" She asked

"Nervous that you wouldn't let anyone out there take care of you, nervous that you'd forget how much the country needs you, too." He explained as he grabbed her bag and they started walking towards the exit. He paused for a moment before admitting the last part sheepishly. "Nervous you might remember all the reasons you left me the first time."

"Joshua Lyman, I would never." She was quick to reassure him, squeezing his hand and stopping in the airport to look him in the eye.

"I know. I'm just happy you came back to me." He told her.

"Josh, I'll always come back to you." She told him earnestly as they climbed into the back of the town car.

"How are you feeling? Was the flight okay?"

"It was fine. I'm tired," She told him.

"I, uh, went a little crazy at the house because I was excited, but if you'd rather just go to bed-"

"It's 7:30, I'm not going to bed," She laughed a little. "And I love surprises."

Josh just smiled, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips. When the town car pulled up to the apartment, Josh got out and opened Donna's door first, retrieving her suitcase and placing a hand on the small of her back as they walked up the stairs. When Josh unlocked the door, Donna stepped into the low light of the apartment. Soft jazz was playing from the stereo and something in the kitchen smelled incredible. There was a bouquet of fresh flowers on the kitchen table.

"Josh…"

"I got the pasta you like from Fiola and a bottle of wine. I'm not due into work tomorrow until late. I missed you. I wanted to catch up on some lost time."

Donna turned to her husband and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling his head towards hers to kiss him. In the theme of catching up on lost time, the kiss deepened for a moment before Josh pulled back.

"Later," he promised. "Lets eat."


End file.
